Catered to

Recently I was sick, as a mom we all know what this usually means. We blow the boogers, down the dayquil and keep truckin' until it's safe to collapse. This time was a little different. This time I was drugged up and bed-bound whether I wanted to be or not.

Yes, the house got messy, the dishes and laundry piled up, and the children rotted their brains with mindless television. However....anything I might have needed, I had. As many kisses, hugs, tea cups, soup bowls, and pillow fluffings. I have to admit it was a rewarding feeling. Enough so that I had to let go of the chores that needed tending, take a deep breathe and count my blessings. I was grateful that my family wanted me to feel better and did everything that they could think of to help this process along.

Granted, I'm not looking forward to no longer being able to play the "dr's orders" card and putting the apron back on but, at least for a few days, my heart was warmed knowing that even though they don't always say or show it, I am loved.

Book Browsing

Who isn't eager to escape their own reality and latch on to an alternate universe where every beginning is pleasant and every ending is happily ever after.

Growing up reading was always one of my favorite escapes and I have tried as a parent to make words on a page become hopes dreams and adventures for my children.

We finally had some free time and mommy had enough energy to suggest a family outing. When daddy shrugged his shoulders and the kids couldn't come up with an agreeable outcome, I suggested a trip to the bookstore. The kids responded with "yeahs" and "yays" daddy didn't rebut the idea but didn't seem as ecstatic as the rest of the group. As for me, I was just ready to get out of the house and do something together as a family.

As soon as we pull in to the parking lot, daddy's demeanor changes and his smog infested aura begins thickening the air we all breathe. His shoulders slumped, eyebrows scrunched, and frown wrinkles settled...oh boy. Okay, lets make the best of this "lighten up daddy"...and while he shares his lack of enthusiasm for the love of bookstores which if my memory serves me correctly as it usually does, we have spent many hours in bookstores in the past with no complaints; I encourage him to embrace the outing as family time....

The kids take off to find folded adventures in the childrens section while mommy tries to delight herself in the mystery/thriller section. Here comes grumpy gus with more boos and banters. Fine, f* off, I'll just make the best of this situation regardless. Frustrations have fixated my advances towards mysteries and thrillers while fuming and fighting with myself about the current non verbal yet highly intensified setting. As the internal rantings of a mad woman continue, I continue resenting  him and find myself searching intently in the romance section. So frustrated with the vampire seductions and the hometown girl pity parties.

Scanning the shelves for middle aged foodie (which is a crafty way of saying overweight 30yr old), that finds a man who realistically farts and burps and wrestles with the boys but is also a shoulder to cry on and mr fix it for the girls and a seductive vixon with eyes for only the woman that he refers to as "mommy" not because of a relation but because of the relationship that has formed and bonded as a family. disappointed that this realistic version of sex and life doesn't jump out to comfort me, I think perhaps I should write my own book. Perhaps start a group of writers for this genre. Perhaps revolt so there is an aisle, a shelf at least dedicated to women that work hard, play hard, wipe snotty noses, cater to their men, and desire the unrealistic whisking away on a regular basis. yes, this section should exist. It should be called "behind closed doors".

Behind closed doors is the puking, the baking, the time-outs, the dishes, the project helping, the bedtime stories, the shouting, the breaking, the messes, and the laundry. But also, behind closed doors is also the hidden romance, the seduction, the caressing. It really happens, and when you really want it to, it really doesn't which is why we should have a book to turn to in times of need. such as this one for example when all I want is for us all to find a book, be happy to be out of the house, be excited to have something to look forward to later when we can all have couch time with our books, smile for half and hour, hold hands out the door and be grateful to have eachother but instead there are the fights, the tantrums, the crying, the running around, and the ear piercing tattle telling "mommmmmy" followed by the inevitable i'm gonna stay close to you without touching you cause I'm pouting and not giving in so we need to hurry up dirty looks.

Tell me I'm not crazy.

How to love

My mother once told me, with tears in her eyes and a pint in her hand, that she was sorry. She felt bad because she said, she taught me how to love but, she never taught me how to be loved.

What does that mean? How does one learn how to be loved?

Unspoken words

Listening to lyrics with a heavy heart makes you realize how much power words have.

My entire life I've read, I've listened, I've rocked out, I've written, and I've felt. Words that flow through your heart with such meaning tie a knot around your heart. They bring back memories, they provide hope, and they feel my soul with faith in "some day".

The lyrics give me lift, the beat gives me wings, but the hope inside is what makes my soul soar!

Happily Ever After Humbug

Once upon a time, there is always a girl with a dream. This dream, usually involves a prince. Not always the perfect man but one that completes her, makes her happy, gitty, gushy. The girl makes a wish and poof all her dreams come true. NOT!

What they leave out is that all that lovey dovey gushy stuff fades. There are fights, there are disappointments, there are lies. Eventually it tears them apart and everything that seemed so perfect in their lives is slowly ripped away. Everything crumbles.

That poor little princess now is left with self esteem issues, trust issues, no money, no hope, and best of all a bad attitude.

Give up on love now princess. It's just not worth the pain and the loss.

Rules of engagement...

To fight or not to fight?

Lets face it, disagreements happen. Is it worth fighting over, lets hope not. First of all keep in mind if there are habits the other person has when you meet them, do not expect them to change. No, they will not necessarily grow out of it, no they may not give it up for you, and no it isn't worth fighting about. It's either fixable or it's not.

Things to consider:

Is it really that big of an issue?
How does it affect you?
Is it a deal breaker? Something you absolutely can not live with or get over?
How will bringing this issue up effect the relationship?
Will fighting about it solve anything?

Rules of engagement:

Do not bring up old stuff, stick to the issue at hand.
Do not answer a question with a question.
Do not turn the tables on them.
Do not assume that you know what they are thinking or feeling.
Do not talk down to them, they are suppose to be your equal not your lesser half.
Do not give an ultimatum.
Do not throw or hit, you are not a child anymore.
Do not get defensive.
Do not act like you are always right.
Do not use words like always, never, or hate.


If you get too angry, be silent and collect yourself.
Consider your surroundings, neighbors don't want to know about your dirty laundry.
Do let them speak, there are three sides to every story.
Do offer a solution to the problem.
Do think about it before you say it, words can not be taken back once released.
Do include positive, reinforcing, and reassuring statements.
Do express how it makes you feel.
Do ask questions to keep the conversation two-sided.
Do take in to consideration if the "tables were turned".
Do inquire about their feelings and take them in to consideration.
End the conversation with a resolution.
At the end of the day, life must go on. Do not cheat on your future by dwelling upon your past. Say your peace and move forward.